Recently, I decided that a guy is like a beautiful pair of high heels: they look great when you're out window shopping, but as soon as you make them yours they always end up hurting you!!! And since I can't get away with coming to such a sexist conclusion without someone or other challenging me, I will back up my argument...
Why Guys Are Inferior To Girls
- They never fully grow up: Games consoles are a girlfriends worst enemy. Why is it acceptable for a grown man to spend a majority of his time pretending to be a football player? If I was to neglect you for most of the day because I was playing with my Barbies I'd expect you to leave me.
- They have no idea how to approach women: Oh how I long for the day when I will be able to walk the streets without hearing "Oi big bum", "Alright darlin?", "YO B WHAT YOU SAYIN?", "What can man talk to you?". In what world are any of these lines considered decent conversation starters? In the male world that's where. For some reason their brain tells them that beeping a car horn or whistling at a young lady will make us want to drop our knickers and bow down before them.
- They cannot multi task: As a female, I am able to text, watch telly, paint my nails, eat my dinner, do my hair, write a novel and save the world all at the same time. Okay so the last two might have been lies but I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one that's received an "I'll text you in half an hour I'm just watching something on the telly" text.
- They lack social etiquette: Burping, farting, scratching. Need I say more?
- They think with their penises: I double dare anyone to say it's not true.
- They have nipples for no reason: So maybe I have only included this because I'm running out of ideas, but God dammit it's true. Our nipples have a purpose. Yours are just useless little buttons with hair around them.
So, I think you'll find I have provided valid reasons for my above statement. Maybe the guys are not to blame, maybe it's all purely Mother Nature's fault, but either way, I'm pretty sure I'd prefer the shoes.
Safe bruddas,
SophieSunshine x
